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EMOTIONALLY COMPROMISED LEADERSHIP

 

“Don’t let your emotions undermine your business”, is what I was told by a 40 something male boss when I was an early 20’s something emotional female. “Operate under facts and data and your business life will be more fruitful”, he said. At the time, I thought he was being insensitive but later learned that he was indeed correct.

What happens when a leader allows their emotions to compromise their business? Nothing good, I can tell you that. And chances are that the leader is immensely insecure which compromises the business in its entirety. I am not suggesting that the leader act as if emotions don’t matter. I am suggesting that leaders should have the ability to manage their own emotions and also be able to influence and recognize others’ emotions. By recognizing the emotions of others, a true leader can then fully utilize facts and data to influence the emotions of others on their team. And by managing their own emotions, a leader can overcome many business obstacles.

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This is a spin on the traditional work LBD. Add an MM LaFleur Jardigan and a thin belt (Gucci in this picture) and you are officially ready.

 

Managing your emotions may be a hard business habit to break. It took me several years in my late 20’s to really understand how to take criticism as a compliment. While I still haven’t mastered managing my emotions, I do consider myself ahead of the game. Here are a few thought processes to help you manage your emotions:

 

Evaluate – take the time to (as objectively) evaluate the scenario. When I have harsh feedback, instead of immediately responding, my canned response is, “let me get back to you on that.” In some circumstances, it’s something I can resolve in a brisk walk and in others I need to sleep on it.

Resolve – be active in finding the solution to the scenario to cause the emotion. This will help you work through the process of your emotions as well as give you a positive experience in finding a solution

Communicate – While working toward the solution, clearly articulate in a non-emotional manner your methodology in your scenario. This will give the critic the opportunity to understand why and lead to less friction in the future.

 

Understand that emotions were developed as survival mechanisms and are hardwired into our biology, just like metabolic processes and muscular reflexes, so it is okay and biologically correct to experience emotions.  When I experience a leader that rules by emotion, I know that they will not be in that role for long. Ruling without facts and data and running on an emotional high only suffices the need for yourself and not the business at hand. It’s best to take a pause, evaluate, communicate, and move along.

“Sleep On It” : Dealing with Distraction

Business, Management
My boss, and owner of TheOProtocol has been an integral part of my professional life for the past five years. As I navigate a cluster of “seasons” that all seem to be overlapping one another;  this has been especially true. When she sees me starting to sink into the mud in one capacity or another, she is always quick with some words of wisdom to help me reset.

Yesterday, as I showed up to the office late, not as put together as I would have liked and otherwise flooding with emotion over personal “nonsense”, she offered another piece of advice that I will keep in my arsenal as I move forward in my career. Interestingly enough, it is one I’ve heard her say to candidates in the past as they consider job offers so that they may not make any decisions with a distracted mind: “The biggest life moves are marriage, children, home buying and career moves. Take a minute. Sleep on it.”  I translated this message into the following:

It was clear that I let what should have been a simple morning get away from me over something that could have been dealt with later on in the day, tomorrow or wasn’t even worth the mental space. I spent the morning being extremely distracted. As a 31 year old professional in the midst of a new marriage, fresh off the purchase of a new home, chasing a two year old and pregnant with another, these words could not have rung any more tried and true. There have been some major changes in my life; all of which carry an extreme amount of DISTRACTION. These distractions can be a career cancer if one is not careful. What start out as simple tasks or worries can grow into catastrophe if not dealt with appropriately. I let them get the best of me. For the other 99% of the population, this could have been a critical error in ones professional status.
Dealing with distraction can seem like a vertical climb as opposed to just an uphill battle. With so much going on, it is key to highlight what is important in the “now” so that you may sort out what is important for the future. Truth be told, heeding the advice of the experienced and taking a moment to pause, think about one thing at a time, develop a plan and then sleep on it, can provide you with the clear headed, forward thinking, constructive mindset you need as you navigate the next steps in your life. If you wake up in the morning still feeling good about your decision, whether it be a new home, a career move or even just a commitment to picking out what you’re going to wear the night before, then you know you’re making the right move for you; one that was made free of distraction and mental haze. Staying disorganized, disheveled and scattered will not only have an impact on your happiness but it can quickly dismantle your career and have a domino affect on the rest of your life.
So the next time you’re feeling like your being crushed by the weight of your house, your kids, your marriage, schedule or your career; take the time to dissect your mind, prioritize your thoughts, and sleep on it.

An Hour a Day – A Resolution

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“I just don’t see how you have the time to always look so put together”, said a former fulltime working mom who recently transitioned into a stay at home mom. She is an incredible mom and had invited me to a party over the summer with some of her new, stay at home mom friends. She had organized the party to break up the long summer of having the kids out of school. It was a mid-week chance for the moms and the kids to catch up. I arrived at 10:00 AM party ready for the day to find the rest of the moms in yoga pants and without makeup. It was a Wednesday, but it wouldn’t have mattered to me if it was a Saturday, if it’s after 8:30AM, I am ready for the day.

Desk to Dinner

This great “desk to dinner” look is as versatile as it is practical and stylish. A tailored leather jacket is a great way to add a chic flare to any office dress- taking you from day to night. A hair cut and style that is easily manageable is also a great way to keep your look polished and transferable to whatever you may have on your schedule that day. Keeping the makeup simple and natural also makes for easy wear as the day unfolds.

Truth be told, the reason why I get ready for the day even on the weekends, is because I do not have time. It may seem counter-intuitive, but it’s true. When you are responsible for juggling kids, a company, and multiple civic/charitable causes, you don’t have time. Especially to make mid-day clothing changes or to go home and take a shower. While I do take a change of shoes with me on the weekend, I rarely change my clothes throughout the day and my hair and makeup can usually make it into the evening for whatever we have on the social agenda. It’s a huge time-saver and I never have that awkward moment in the grocery that some do when they aren’t feeling presentable.

Also on the topic was our local Burn Boot Camp. Several of the women were raving about it and the social aspect of the group. It came around to me and I mentioned that I workout in my basement with some free weights, an elliptical, and some Youtube videos. Plus, I have a park across the street in which I can walk. I legitimately do not have time to drive to workout and I am not interested in the social benefits of group fitness, as I have a full social calendar. A mom piped up and said she “didn’t have the time to work out either” but later rattled off a list of the TV shows she was watching on Netflix.

Speaking of TV, the topic took center stage at the party. One thing all of the moms had in common was a love for watching TV shows. In an attempt to be inclusive of me, one of the mom’s asked what I watch. I realized that I have no idea of what’s on TV, but I love listening to NPR in the morning while I am getting dressed.  I immediately felt like a huge nerd…huge nerd… so I also said that I listen to their non-news programming on Sunday’s when I am cooking dinner for the week. I cook on Sunday’s for most of the week to save time during the busy week. This was met with awe and silence. I explained that 3 hours on Sunday afternoon/evening saves me 6 hours during the week. My make-up and day to night presentable appearance were excused in this one simple concept of cooking multiple meals, double batching and freezing to save time in between practices and school engagements.

What I really wanted to say to the group overall, is this – you are only an hour away from proactively managing your day. Wake up an hour earlier, get ready for the day, have your workout finished and take a few hours on Sunday to manage your week. As you sit down and think of how to accomplish your resolutions for the year, consider waking up an hour earlier and see how it can change your day, week, and life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Gift of Poor Leadership

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“I’m not going to put numbers down in an offer until you tell me you will take the role”. That was the offer proposed to me by a former boss’s boss who was seeking to replace my boss. How could I possibly take the internal promotion without knowing what the offer was in numbers and expectations? Because she was technically my bosses boss, I understood the importance of treading lightly. Losing my job was not an option for me. My bosses boss, sitting in a different office halfway across the United States, would frequently call me in regard to my boss’s whereabouts. I grew up with a chain of command mentality, so I would often reply that I was unaware of his whereabouts and that she should contact him directly. It wasn’t that I was a fan of my immediate boss or that I was seeking to protect him, rather that I was abiding the rules of appropriate engagement.gift (2)

After speaking at the Women Who Count Conference several months ago, I was invited into a table discussion regarding inspiring female role models at work. As the conference attendees spoke about the powerful female role models they had experienced at work, I was coming up empty. I legitimately could not think of a single female role model in the workplace. Perhaps this is because the industry was male-dominated at the time. The only female in a superior role to me had been the individual I mentioned in the former paragraph.

It did get me thinking though. I felt lucky that I had the exposure to a chaos-inducing boss. Not only did she cross professional boundaries, but she would also cross personal boundaries. She felt the need to be in the “know” with employees personal dilemmas and would often let others know of the employees lives outside of work. I watched as she manipulated employees, specifically females, by gaining their trust in keeping secrets of their personal lives. In return, she would use it as leverage as an employer. She often pitted individuals against each other and would watch the fallout only to come in later to aid in the reconcile and secure her status as the perceived peace-maker. She encouraged her employees to live just outside of their financial means as a retention strategy. I learned to keep her at an arm’s length and it earned me the name “Ice Queen” in certain circles.

I do not believe that she did this out of malice, but out of her own insecurity. She had come to the top of the industry from a lot of hard work, but the investment in her as a leader wasn’t returned. She was a producer, not a leader, which are equally important in every company. She had no idea of what leadership meant and it was not her fault. As a distraction, she created unnecessary chaos throughout the company which destroyed employees trust in each other but left her in her position as the “steady” leader. She lost some of the best real talents I have ever seen in the recruiting arena. Had she the foresight to ask for help in her development it may have been different and perhaps I would still be with that company. It may sound odd to have a tremendous amount of respect for what her lack of fundamentals and toxic leadership taught me, but it’s enabled me to be a better leader for my company. She taught me how to not lead and that is a gracious gift.

Regarding the position she sort-of offered me, I declined and I followed my husband’s career in Germany instead. It was one of the best decisions I have ever made. Since then, I heard the Board of Directors finally invested in her and she has overcome a good deal of her flaws as a leader. I am happy for her and the company that she leads. Her past serves as an example of what not to do while her future is an example of how anyone can overcome flaws. Poor leadership is a gift in many ways. Happy Holidays from The Office Protocol and enjoy the season with those you love.

Clothes that “WORK”

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We are excited to have our very first guest writer, Valerie Inglesby. Valerie is the COO of Crescent Investment Group which invests and manages large class A office parks such as UBS Plaza in Minnesota and Lenox Park in Atlanta. While Crescent Investment Group’s success has largely stemmed from her leadership style, her personal style is also noteworthy. Valerie knows the value of a great real estate investment and wardrobe investment pieces. Read below from Valerie:

Today’s Everything Woman has to embrace versatility. Between managing our business and managing our home life, there are multiple new and different ways to accomplish this now mutually symbiotic relationship.  Options such as flexible work hours combined with grocery delivery services allow us to work from home and order groceries while at the office. Women today have evolved into having a versatile mindset open to doing things differently than the way they were traditionally done in the past.  One area where this is becoming more apparent is in managing our wardrobes.  Many of us work in a business casual office environment and our daytime wardrobe can easily transition to an evening out. At times, our office attire has to work for our dinner plans because we are going directly from the office to an evening event!

To demonstrate how your clothes should work for you, for all aspects of your lifestyle, we visited a trusted local boutique; Range Boutique, which has an amazing selection of clothing along with experienced personnel available to assist with shopping, and pulled together three business casual and OOO (out of office) looks using the same pieces throughout all the styles.
Cocktail Dress:

 

 

Denim that Works:

 

 

Sweater Weather:

 

We found some key themes to live by for creating a wardrobe that really works for you;
1. Buy cocktail style dresses that can be worn to the office with the simple addition of a jacket or sweater.  Cocktail dresses are tricky because they can be expensive compared to the more functional items in your wardrobe, but they are worn less often. In addition to the multiple looks you can achieve, buying a dress that can be dressed down accomplishes two things; first, it simplifies your wardrobe by eliminating the need for clothing items for different dress codes and second, it provides you the opportunity to wear your cute dresses more often.  A word of caution though, do not try this with dresses that are shiny (sequins or satin) or with more formal style materials like lace and tulle.
2.  Take some time to find beautiful jeans with a great fit. You will love wearing these with heels when you’re out for an evening, but you can easily wear these same jeans with a blazer or structured top for daytime looks. Also, denim works like a blank canvas – the outfit options are limitless when you utilize a range of shoes and accessories.  Please keep in mind that jeans with too much distressing or holes will not transition as easily as solid colors and textures.
3. Never buy slacks that you will only wear to the office and not for any other reason.  This means that you don’t really like them or they are too conservative for you to wear where someone will actually see you…which really goes back to the first point. If you buy well made clothing that you love, all of your trousers will be office appropriate when paired with more traditional looking business attire. Think blazers and button down shirts, which also work well layered. Mixing tops with cute pants this way will not work if any of your clothing is too tight or if you are in a true business professional environment, and while we all love yoga pants, I’m not sure we are quite there yet!